Feeds:
Posts
Comments

We all are people of varied craziness and talents, though the ratio in variation is sometimes huge! Now it might sound a bit confusing, but then confusing someone over nothing is a talent too! With all the crazy things I can imagine of, I the first thing that came to my mind was to try writing something about ghosts.

I have seen a lot of horror flicks, and found most of them a lot comic and less horror, but one thing I always wondered was that what would I do if I am in any of such situations, which I primarily find funny. For instance, if I am walking down the street and I see a figure (may or may not be a ghost) wearing white clothes and having a candle in hand. Well I would not try to find out who that is and just run as fast as I can! And if the curiosity factor forces you to just try your luck, then first call up 911, have a good gathering of guests before you try to unravel the great mystery. Another one that I find somewhat funny is the work of a tooth fairy (which turns into a witch). She likes collecting teeth of children. What a disgusting hobby I must say. But if she ever came near me, I would rather give her ticket to the next WWF event, so that she can get as many and as big teeth she wants. But she would have to be careful while collecting them as she herself can get hurt. I do not believe these WWF players.

And jokes apart, if someday, a ghost even tried disturbing my sleep by singing right in the middle of night, I swear I will go and tell that to shut up! I mean it is not always a good idea to stop someone from singing, specially a ghost, but what if he/she is singing right below your window? Being a ghost does not mean you have the right to disturb sleep. That too of a grad student!!

Advertisements

farnese_atlas_693.jpg

There are jobs that always attract you but then there are jobs you never want to do. Here is my list of things that I would NOT take up as job.

Skydiving Trainer
I mean once in a while its great to jump from 10,000 ft. But look at a scenario when you get up in the morning and you are not in your best spirits (reasons may galore ranging from sickness to break up). So you don’t want to leave your bed even for a second, but your job requires you to jump from 10,000 ft. Well either they allow me to jump with my bed or I am not gonna open the parachute on my way down.

Bull Fighter
Well this one is crazy. I mean, I hate my co-workers too but then they don’t weigh 1500 lbs and don’t come rushing at me pointing two horns every time I enter office.

Guy who paints Golden Gate Bridge
I might paint a wall under duress, but then I can never paint the Golden Gate. Imagine you hanging at that height in high winds and trying to paint the wire rope and suspenders.

College Football Coach
Quick clarification: I am talking about American Football here. (I am good at soccer!). So with my kind of body frame, I cant possibly imagine coaching those giants. What if we win and they all huddle together with me in between. Happiness may turn sour for my team in a fraction of seconds.

Lifting Earth on your Shoulders

All hail Atlas! Such an important, but immensely boring job! You can’t move, you can’t play, you can’t have coffee, no internet, no clothes! (check Farnese Atlas). Even though i will have super strength as a perk on this job, but boredom will kill me.

Cameraman/Presenter for Dirty Jobs
You know that TV show called Dirty Jobs. I so much want to have a TV show of my own but not this show. I mean every week, you are standing in mid of a dirty job environment and trying to keep your lens (if you are cameraman) or yourself (if you are presenter) clean.

Well there many more, but right now I hate what I am doing. So that’s the end of this blog. Cheers!

Breaking news!

A lot is being talked about Indian media and its amateur and sometimes irresponsible presentation. During my recent visit back home i realized there were infinite number of news channels popping out news every minute of the day. Whats more? the “situations” in soap operas are put on scrollers these days as news. Quite a shock! To top it all “Aaj Tak” being “sabse tez” showed a coverage entitled ” Kanpur ki Jail main Bhoot” at the prime-time for 45 minutes. I thought I had it, it can not get any worse. But nope, Aaj tak has done it again. I am sure many of you have seen the recent circulating email  about this. If you haven’t let me tell you. The “breaking news” in Aaj tak is “amitabh ko Thand Lagi”! I was dumbfounded for a bit and as I recovered, I realised there is another way of looking at it. These news are meant to be funny! If you look at it that way, wow, there is no entertainment like news channels.

I can almost fantasize about the news that might soon come up. For example “Shahrukh khan ne aaj Germany main hot dogs khaye” Aaj tak sabse tej!

Now I can  imagine the reporters walking on the streets and taking gentry’s opinion on it. There will be a few saying” that is a misrepresentation or even defamation (people use strong words these days for every damn thing)of Indian culture, he must apologize” while there will be some dudes churning their opinions in english even though the question is asked in hindi ( boy, i am such a hypocrat!) giving away some important lessons on  individualism. Some insane minds will obviously not care ( what a pity, why can’t you have an opinion?). Some folks would feel previledged to be on screen and will keep on rambling on a totally tangential comments that would end up being outright hillarious. I remember somebody giving away honest opinion about AIDS saying” the pros and cons of having AIDS should be made known to public”!  No digression, back to shah rukh eating Hot dog!

Oh i forgot, there will be a lot of politics! First up there will be a few fundamentalists raising ‘fatwa’ against poor shah rukh for desecration of religion, while BJP will once again outcry for Ram janmabhumi and Hindu rashtra. (don’t ask me why. BJP and allied gang is capable of linking any issue to a hindu rashtra agenda ). But may be Raj T would spare him because he is not a “Bhaiyya” and he has acted in ‘Gowarikar’s’ film. Emerging parties would obviously blame “videshi Takads” for this.

Of course as we are ‘the argumentative Indians’ we will have a national debate on ‘Eating habits and their repercussions in Indian society’ on one of the channels and some lawyer in some corner of the country will file a petition against the king khan.

Well, after all this Shah rukh will will be forced to clear the issue. The press conference will reveal that he didn’t eat a hot dog but  a boca burger and he didn’t enjoy it (who does anyway?). That will probably settle the dust only for a few hours before a photograph appears in newspapers showing “after hitting a classy century tired Rahul Dravid sitting next to a raised tricolor” (what an insult! he should be standing) and here we go again!

-Rohan Tikekar

With the first post in my column, I would like to start with news from back home (India)

There are always two B’s making up the news mostly, (other than the Big B) and they are Bollywood and Bihar. Though the order is not the same! And order is usually missing in both of these!

To start with, let’s go alphabetically. So first comes Bihar. There is a case reported in here http://www.rediff.com/news/2008/feb/02bihar.htm The title says “Hundreds of law students in Bihar went on the rampage on Saturday after being denied the use of unfair means in their law examination”. Students demanded their RIGHT to cheat in the examinations as it is a very common practice in Bihar and as the students put it forward, they weren’t taught anything in the class to help them take the exam. These students talking about rights, rights and wrongs are law students. ! I don’t think we have a law against cheating in the exams, but if these students are persistent, we might have a law against not cheating!! So don’t be surprised if in future someone files a case against you because you did not appreciate the urgency and need of cheating and you did not cheat.

Now if this piece has put you in dizzy..then here is the next one from Bollywood. Himesh Reshamiya is now starring in a movie (NOT AGAIN!!!), one of its kind as far as the title is concerned. The movie is called KarZZZZ !! No its not my keyboard pressed for long but the movie’s title actually has 4 Zs. This movie is a remake of the old Hindi blockbuster Karz, and Himesh Reshamiya is going to play the role of Monty, played by Rishi Kapoor in the original version. Now after HR’s performance (shocking..in some way) in “Aap Ka Surroor: The Moviee: The Real Luv Story“, well I would not comment on his acting skills as I don’t know what to say! But the big thing is that he also wants to sing all the songs by HIMSELF! Now he wants to be known as a singer who cannot act and an actor who cannot sing too!

With no offense to anyone, I just have to say one thing, we all should realize that Himesh Reshamiya is a (atleast) good music director, Sonu Nigam is a very good singer and Ajay Jadeja was a better cricketor!

PS : If you are a HR fan, apologies to you, and to HR too. I hope you get a free ticket to his movie moviee.

PETA (People for Ethical Treatment to Animals)
I support them for their nude protests. The cause is not really an attraction to me.

PETPA(People for Ethical Treatment of People by Animals).
I was bit by a dog once and it was not at all an ethical bite. As animals they deserve a right to bite but there should be allotted anatomical parts of human body where they can bite.

‘Save Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus’
I was offered the post of President of this group as soon as I joined even though I have never seen an amphibious octopus that resides in trees somewhere northwest of Pacific.

‘Green’
I support green. All shades of green and all sorts of green. Including sprinter Maurice Green. Oh Eva Green too!!!

I want to support other colors too but my contract does not allow me to support Coke and Pepsi at same time.

Blue Ribbon Campaign
I don’t know what they are actually supporting. Its some stuff about blogging anonymously, fighting internet censorship and human right of free speech. I don’t care about any of these things but I am still supporting them because I like the blue ribbon thingy that they have put on their sites.

Save the Silkworms
These guys are fighting for silkworms to be awarded worker rights. I guess that means, a business suit at work, a company car and a good salary. Imagine how cool it would be to see a silkworm in a silk tuxedo producing silk.

Save Humor
These guys are worried a bit too much. Cheer Up! We still have George W. Bush as President. No dearth of humor till he is there on that chair.
But what are we gonna laugh at once his term is over?

NORML (National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws)
They are standing for NO ban on marijuana. I don’t support this use of marijuana but without marijuana, there would be lot less people to laugh at. Right!!

Secret Societies
They are fun! Pure fun! Hey does anybody know how to get membership into Masons or Priory